Pastor’s Wives, Why Speaking Well of Your Husband is so Important
I shared a post by Michael Hyatt on my Facebook wall last week. The post entitled, Why Speaking Well of Your Spouse is So Important drew great comments from my female friends. So, I knew the topic of honoring your spouse with kind words must have struck a cord. I wholeheartedly agree with Hyatt’s post. It is important–if not imperative–that we speak words of grace and blessing to our spouse.
This got me to thinking about the roles my husband and I have in ministry. Hyatt’s post helped me realize as much I as I try–or even assume I am doing a good job– on this front, there is always room for improvement. I mean really, can a pastor hear too many times that he is appreciated and respected for his leadership?
So, to Pastor’s Wives out there, I’ve compiled my own set of reasons why YOU must be speaking well of your husband in public and offering words of affirmation in private.
1) You are the only one who fills the role of pastor’s wife.
Everyone in the church can be a member. Everyone can serve and give in order to encourage the growth of the church. There are lots of roles that need to be filled for a church to be healthy. But, you are the only one who fills the role of the pastor’s wife. Trust me, it is your affirmation he seeks and he needs the most! He does want to be encouraged by people in the church. He does like to be noticed by his peers for leadership abilities, creativity, and his preaching among other things. But, it is the respect of his wife that he longs for. After all ladies, he is a man. And that is how God created him.
2) If you don’t make the time, no one else will.
People live busy, hectic lives. I don’t think people neglect to encourage the pastor out of spite or because they disagree with his vision, as much as I think people just forget. After wrestling the kids out the front door on Sunday morning and then rushing out the church doors after service to make sure the crock pot dinner hasn’t burned the house down, people are just plain hurried. We are all guilty of foregoing some of the civilities of life simply because we lack time. Don’t assume that others will make the time to speak blessings into your husband’s life. You must do that.
3) His calling needs to be affirmed.
Pastors have a divine calling from God on their lives. His profession is different than most every other profession. Bankers, plumbers, doctors, painters, lawyers, educators, mail clerks, and entrepreneurs all have important jobs. We need each of these types of jobs for our communities to function. But a pastor’s job impacts eternity. Many pastors give up personal dreams and lucrative career opportunities to step into roles that impact God’s global kingdom for all of eternity. Affirm him for that!
4) Others follow your lead.
Every pastor’s wife is a leader. No matter whether you feel like one or not. No matter whether you sing in the choir, lead a ministry, work in the church office, or simply show up with a smile on your face you have the ability to influence people. That’s called being a leader. Your verbal and non-verbal communication speaks volumes. You may think people aren’t listening, but they are. And, if for no other reason than for the sake of your children, praise your husband in their presence. You will impact their world dramatically. Your affirming words will produce security in their lives. They will see parents that love and support each other. Your children will follow your lead!
Pastor’s wives, let me hear from you. Why do you think it is important to speak well of your husband? If you have time, make sure you check out Hyatt’s excellent post as well!
Heather,
I think you are right on target with these comments. We pastors’ wives have a lot of responsibility, but the most important responsibilities is taking time to support and verbally encourage our husbands. Thanks for the great list!
By the way, my husband Clemente is a great husband, a wonderful pastor, and an awesome man of God!
Twyla, thanks for your insight! Thanks for sharing encouraging words about your husband!
This is very true that wives should speak highly of their husband in front of others and even if you don’t always have something positive to say (because people don’t understand that pastor’s and ministers are human also) it is just best to keep your mouth shut if you have nothing positive to add. My husband recently started ministering and teaching at different churches in the past year. Boy you would not believe the looks of sometimes admiration or busybodies watching your every move as they teach. A wife’s verbal and non verbal communication can say a whole lot to a congregation. When my husband is finished teaching he always asks me what I thought and I try to give him the most positive feedback as possible. I make sure I shout an an Amen when I agree with something in his message. It reaffirms to him that he is doing a great job. The one thing that I always tell him and pray for him is to be humble as God elevates him. I tell you he makes mention of it in his sermon and he takes it for sound advice as well. The bible also says something about the power of women as well in how they can impact the lives of their husbands. It tells us to lead them by our conversation (our lifestyle), this includes our words. We should always do our best to edify them as much as possible. After all it is through our relationships with one another that we demonstrate the Love of God,for no man has seen God. If they can witness Love of God through a pastor and his wife’s relationship it can win a whole lot of couples to Jesus Christ.
Love ya girl.
Terrika,
Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom! You are so right. It is amazing how much power there is in the tongue. Words can either be a sweet fruit of a poison. Have you read the book my Mary Kassian entitled Conversation Peace? It is fantastic. I have read it about 3 times b/c there is so much in there about what God says about our words and how our words impact all our relationships–whether marriage, family, or friendships. I am so thankful that you are at Christ Fellowship! I am a richer woman for knowing you!
Thank you for this Heather!
Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate the FB share as well. Praying God richly blesses your ministry in beautiful NC!
He’s doing it – for HIS great name! Doesn’t y’all’s church need some Gospel-centered B-18yo curriculum?
Heath,
I think this was such a good reminder for all of us, even those who do not have pastor husbands. I once read that our positive actions, reactions and responses frees up our husbands to become the men God intended them to be. Thanks for the reminder.
Heather – great blog subject! My husband is an Evangelist and on staff. I am to be Tim’s #1 supporter. He looks to me above anyone else and I don’t take it lightly. Also, as a staff wife, I want to be an encouragement to the other staff wives on honoring my husband. Also, I teach young Mothers at our church and they watch me! I want them to see how we are to esteem our husbands and to respect my husband in his role in the church. I’m enjoying your blog!! Tell Bruce hello!
Joy, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment! You are so right about showing young women how to esteem and encourage their husbands! Many times we take for granted that women know how to do this. The reality is that many women come from such damaged homes that they have never seen it lived out in a practical way! Thank You for taking the time to affirm you own husband and at the same time model it before other women. God Bless!